I’m becoming convinced that our habits are one of the most important things about us. What we do truly does shape who we become. I’ve been especially aware of this reality during this long pandemic season. On the one hand, this season is such an opportunity. I believe that God wants to use this time to develop our character, to deepen our intimacy with Him, to strengthen our relationships with others, and to establish life-giving rhythms and habits in our lives.
However, we must recognize that the enemy also wants to use this time for evil. He wants to isolate us, distract us, and trap us in destructive habits and addictions to numb the discomfort of this season.
I don’t know when this pandemic will end and life will return to some level of normalcy. However, when that times come, we will either be closer to Jesus and His vision for our lives or we may find ourselves isolated, addicted, and caught in destructive habits to numb our pain. Therefore, I believe that mindfulness of our habits is especially critical right now.
The honest truth is that maintaining healthy habits is not my strength. I’m a creative person which means that I tend to only want to do things when I feel inspired or “in the mood”. As a result, my habits are often dictated by my fluctuating emotions and desires. I’ll have great intentions that last for a while and then peter out. Since habits are difficult for me, I’ve been really asking God to develop me in this area. I want to share a few things God has been teaching me about establishing life-giving habits.
Building Habits Based on Identity: In his book Atomic Habits, (highly recommend!) author James Clear challenges an outcome-based approach to habits. He writes:
“Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start focusing on who we wish to become.”-James Clear
When creating habits, James Clear suggests first asking ourselves who we want to become. He suggests focusing on identity statements more than on tangible outcomes. For example, if I create a goal to run 20 miles a week (a tangible outcome), I will quickly become discouraged when I miss that mark and I may decide to abandon running completely. However, if my mission is to become a runner (an identity statement), then I am successful every time I run, even if it’s for just 10 minutes. This motivates me to keep running and go farther the next time. I’ve found that I stick with habits more consistently when I focus on the person I want to become rather than on a specific outcome.
Just starting: I think that the hardest part of developing a habit is simply getting started. However, once we’re started on a habit, it’s difficult to stop. I love how James Clear articulates this idea. He writes:
“Habits are like the entrance ramp to a highway. They lead you down a path, and before you know it, you’re speeding toward the next behavior. It seems easier to continue what you’re already doing than to start doing something different.”-James Clear
This is true for negative habits. It takes just a second to turn on Netflix, but haven’t we all experienced the vortex of wasted time that usually ensues? However this is also true for positive habits. Putting on my running shoes and driving to the park is always the hardest part of going on a run. But one I’ve started running, I don’t want to stop. Waking up early and reading my Bible feels hard initially, but once I’m spending time with Jesus, I don’t want to leave. It’s been so helpful to realize that the true battle isn’t the habit itself, but rather the first couple minutes of getting started.
Crafting a rule of life: In His book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, John Mark Comer describes the power of developing a rule of life.
“What a trellis is to a vine, a rule of life is to abiding. It’s a structure— in this case a schedule and a set of practices — to set up abiding as the central pursuit of your life… If a vine doesn’t have a trellis, it will die. And if your life with Jesus doesn’t have some kind of structure to facilitate health and growth, it will wither away.”-John Mark Comer
According to John Mark Comer, a rule of life is basically an intentional set of practices and habits that shape the people we become. I created a rule of life this summer and it has been so life-giving for me. I navigate my rule of life imperfectly and struggle to always be consistent, but the cumulative effect on my life has been so good.
I started by writing out daily habits that I wanted to incorporate into my life. Some of these included daily gratitude, limiting my phone use, running, and quiet time with Jesus. Then I wrote out weekly practices that are important to me like community with my small group, ministry at church, intentional time with friends, and taking a weekly Sabbath. Finally, I decided on monthly habits. Several of these include going on a hike, taking one day away with Jesus, and seeing a counselor or mentor.
I think that a healthy rule of life will look different for everyone because God has wired us all so uniquely. The things that are life-giving for me, might not be life-giving for you. Therefore, I think it’s really important to invite God into this process and ask Him to show us who we are becoming and what habits will help get us there.
Taking time to Reflect: One of the most important parts of creating a rule of life is reflecting. I try to take a little bit of time each night, each week, and each month to reflect on my rule of life. I’ll notice how my habits are affecting my feelings, relationships, and closeness to Jesus. When I consistently maintain a life-giving habit, I’ll celebrate the joy and growth that it’s bringing to my life.
Additionally, when I find myself repeatedly breaking good habits or engaging in destructive ones, I need to invite God to examine my heart. The purpose here is not condemnation or to be super hard on myself. Instead, I try to compassionately ask myself why I’m doing what I’m doing. What’s the deeper reason?
For example, if I find myself spending too much time on social media, I might ask myself: What need is this filling in me? I may recognize a feeling of loneliness or disconnection. Those feelings aren’t inherently bad, I’m just filling them in an unhealthy way. This realization helps to me reach out to tangible people or spend time with Jesus instead.
Or let’s say that I’m eating too much fast food (definitely my weakness!). Instead of feeling bad or guilty I can ask myself: What feelings or emotions am I numbing with food? How does Jesus want to meet me in this place?
Seeking Accountability: This is probably the biggest game changer. We’re not met to walk through life alone. Therefore, accountability is vital, especially in the areas where we struggle. I find that I’m so much more likely to stick with a habit if a friend or family member is doing it with me or at least checking up on me. Although, this requires vulnerability, accountability is so important. And when I find myself in a destructive habit, I need people in my life to speak God’s grace to me and encourage me to move forward in freedom.
I’d love to hear from you. What have been some life-giving habits for you in this season? How do you develop and maintain those habits in your life?